Advice and Comments on A Realistic Outlook about Clinical Depression

I became concerned with how my family and friends perceived me when I became clinically depressed. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder but was plagued by a 6-month stint of depression. People wanted to help me. Concerned family members said things like "open the windows and let the air in" or "let some light in the room and you'll feel better." I have heard them say, "Just concentrate on the good things that you have in your life" and "Try coming out with your friends because I know that will make you feel better." Little did they know that nothing they said was getting through. Depression is not something that can be fixed by letting the sunlight in. It is more than just a bad day or sadness. The clinically depressed person may not even hear you giving them advice or may find your advice appalling because you are showing how much you clearly do not understand them.

Diagnosis

To be diagnosed with clinical depression, you must have the symptoms in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). The DSM is a guidebook used to diagnose mental illness in the United States.

Clinical depression symptoms may include:

• Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day
• Loss of interest or pleasure in most activities
• Significant weight loss or gain
• Sleeping too much or not being able to sleep nearly every day
• Slowed thinking or movement that others can see
• Fatigue or low energy nearly every day
• Feelings of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt
• Loss of concentration or indecisiveness
• Recurring thoughts of death or suicide

To be clinically depressed you must have five or more of the above symptoms over a two-week period. In addition, at least one of the symptoms must be either depressed mood or a loss of interest or pleasure.

The symptoms must be noticeable to family and friends and drastically affect the life of the clinically depressed person.

My personal experience is one that made me unrecognizable to myself but made me seek deeper meaning within myself. I suddenly was hit with depressed mood every day, which is more than just sadness. I had no interest in doing anything. I tried to read, which I love to do, and I quickly lost interest and put the book down. I would try to do write a blog and again, I would start then only write a few sentences before I completely lost interest. When anyone asked me if I wanted to go out and do anything I said I wasn't interested or made excuses so I didn't have to go out. I simply didn't have the energy.

I was so exhausted every day. I just couldn't move. I had to sleep. I didn't have a choice. My body was slammed down, and I didn't understand why, but I absolutely had to sleep. I had to rest all day, every day. It was like I had been running all my life and my body suddenly slammed me down and told me to stop.

I felt so worthless in the world. This was actually my first sign of depression as I look back. My job felt completely useless. I felt worthless in the world, to my family, to my friends. I kept thinking, "What is the point? What is the point of the job that I am doing? Why am I here?" I never got any answers. The questions ricocheted in my head for months. I don't think the questions will ever go away.

I felt guilty for being a bad wife, a bad daughter, a bad friend. I felt guilty for not cleaning the house more, for sleeping too much, and needing a break. I felt guilty for being a burden on my family because who the hell wants to be around a depressed person?

I was unable to pay attention to anything anyone was saying because I was living in my head. I was bound within the walls of my guilt, shame, uselessness, worthlessness, fatigue, and exhaustion. I was unable to make simple decisions for the same reasons. It frustrated me that I was asked to make decisions. How can you expect rational decisions from a depressed person?

What YOU really MUST know!!

The storm thunders inside a depression person and keeps them locked inside against their will yet nobody really understands this vital aspect of depression. Even when the depression lifts from the depressed person they vaguely remember this horror, and they think that some miracle happened that broke their depression.

Whatever it was that broke their personal depression, it will not be the same that breaks another one's depression. The wall that locks one in is one's own making, and one must break it down alone. Friends and family can sit by them and listen to support them but there is no single thing that will break that wall and let the light in. Slowly, very slowly the light will come in but only by the work that one does by themself, and this work cannot be rushed or else another structure will be built elsewhere or this same wall will fortify.

This is my experience with depression! Do not ask more of me. Do not exclude me from your life but do give me time. Do not compare my depression to yours. Do not expect of me the false happiness of Julie Andrews playing the character Maria in The Sound of Music singing "My Favorite Things" because I'm sick of playing characters, and I need to find what's underneath that facade and learn more about a real person, me.

Once the real persona is found, the wall shatters because it cannot withstand the truth of what is inside it. I know this is true, but I have yet to find it. I'm still chipping away at the wall so for now let the raindrops fall and the cats scratch.